Trump Announces Launch of New Company: Trump Tours

By Samantha Scott
March 31, 2016


trumpHot on the campaign trail, Donald Trump has found time for a new business venture. Yesterday, he announced the formation of a new company: Trump Tours.

This is Trump’s third foray into travel, preceded by Trump Air (now bankrupt), Trump hotels, and gaming, both of which have had a rocky past. 

Participants in a Trump Tour will have the opportunity to visit some of Trump’s favorite places, including Madison Ave, his Atlantic City Casinos, and The Great Wall of Trump (proposed site). Most tours include the chance to fly in Trump's tricked out Boeing 757, and spend at least one night at his palatial home in Palm Beach, Florida. 

trump plane

Guests will have the opportunity to play 18 holes of golf on one of his many courses. Mr. Trump has said he will pay everyone’s green’s fees, but that he does not support the ill-treatment of caddies. 

Not wanting to miss out, the other candidates have responded with their own announcements: 

clintonHillary Clinton’s campaign chimed in, saying, “We are considering launching a travel brand as well. It’s taken some time to work out the particulars because we’re not processing any requests over email due to privacy concerns.”

 

 

sandersBernie Sanders commented that he thinks the government should provide “civic minded tours” for honest working class citizens and immigrants. Itineraries could include a Vermont biathalon experience, or stops on Wall Street for impromptu protests. His campaign has not yet responded to rumors that these tours will be free for middle and working class citizens, and paid for using a new “priviledge” tax on the one percent. 

cruzTed Cruz finally broke his silence on the issue, responding that he will not be offering tours because he does not believe in the movement of people across borders. Oddly enough, it’s rumored that Cruz has booked a family vacation to his ancestral homeland of Cuba, made possible by President Obama. 

 

silhouetteJohn Kasich also made an announcement -- unfortunately no one was around to hear it. 

 


 

Update: In a rare feat of timing, Trump has announced that Trump Tours is now teetering on bankruptcy, mere hours after its formation.

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